Headquarters Mens’ Hair Salon, Luton Bedfordshire

Jokes Of The Month

Receptionist in hotel: Would you like a room with a shower or a bath?

Guest: What’s the difference?

Receptionist: You can sit down in a bath

Should crematoriums give a discount to burns’ victims?

How can you identify a person by their dental records?
If you don’t know who they are, you certainly won’t know who their dentist is.


Family fortunes, HQ style

We asked 100 clients why they came to Head Quarters, these are the top ten answers:

  1. Speak up, I’m a little deaf
  2. Get off my foot
  3. Go away or I’ll call the police
  4. Can you do my laundry?
  5. Only when I’m on bail
  6. What are you doing in my toilet?
  7. Clear off
  8. I clean the windows
  9. I am Hannibal Lecter
  10. I’m his brother, Ron. Fancy lunch?
Helpful Hints

1. Don’t waste money on expensive binoculars just stand closer to the object you are looking at.

2. Oversleeping? A mousetrap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from falling back to sleep.

Question Of Sport

Which was the last team to field a starting eleven in the FA cup final consisting entirely of English players and what year was it?

Robert: Welcome to Planet Bob

As a busy celebrity, I am continually asked how, despite my hectic schedule, do I keep myself looking so slim and athletic?
Quite simply - it’s all done by mirrors, a third leg and an industrial size corset (don’t knock what you haven’t tried)


So many well meaning diets and fitness regimes fall apart simply for attempting too much too soon, and then losing interest when all the effort does not produce results. Should you visit the gym? (possibly) diet? (maybe) give up alcohol (ridiculous!).

A corny phrase, often used in life is: ‘moderation in everything’.
Nevertheless, it is a sensible base from which to start. Exercise according to your abilities but build gently, don’t rush into mad routines looking for a ‘quick fix’.
Set yourself short term achievable targets and the long term will take care of itself.
Keep a diary (or iPhone app) to track your progress.

Remember, Rome wasn’t built in a day. It actually took three weeks (not a lot of people know that). If you don’t normally exercise, always take advice from the experts, or even me. Perhaps even a full body check-up before you start. If any problems should arise, these can be allowed for in your routines. Always avoid dying if you can, as it is usually fatal. Rather obviously, eat healthily and regularly, but hey, give yourself a treat every now and again as a reward for your good work. A kebab never killed anyone, except when eaten in one mouthful, including Pitta bread and washed down with eight pints of lager. Maybe I’m being a bit picky, but keep it to five pints for health, safety and clean pavements. But seriously though, a good point in easing back on food and drinks at this time of year is that it will give your system, particularly your liver, time to stage a recovery (although for one or two of my clients, it’s far too late). Try giving up alcohol for two weeks (nurse, the screens) not easy, but you will notice the difference and you will find, combined with your various activities, you will lose weight, feel better, become more attractive to the opposite sex, no-one will kick sand in your face and who knows, maybe your partner will no longer laugh out loud at your naked body.

Good luck then, and as Confucius once said ‘even the longest journey starts with a single step’. So enjoy the journey, it could be a long one!
Don’t hesitate to email me with your questions on health and fitness, and of course if my advice has helped you in any way, however all threatening letters should be sent, of course, to Jeff.

Rob (Remember, I don’t suffer from stress. I’m a carrier!)

Final Thought


1.) If a man stands in the middle of a forest and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?

2.) What if the Hokey Cokey is REALLY what it’s all about?

3.) Does killing time damage eternity?

4.) Why can’t women apply their mascara with their mouth closed?